Fools Rush In...

Today is April 1st, no fooling. Gladly there were no whoopie cushions on my chair, joy buzzer hand shakes, or snake filled tins of peanut brittle. No, it was just an ordinary spring like day. We had the threat of rain followed by sun. Relatively warm temperatures, and crowded streets.

My mood has shifted which leads me to believe that PMS is approaching. I was beginning to allow myself some hope that we had achieved pregnancy. OHSS had seemingly returned. My breasts while not always, were for the most part tender. So much so that even though I am only 4 days post ovidrel trigger that I needed to test just to see what the line would look like today.

I half was hoping for a BFN. Something to tell me the trigger was gone, but I know from experience that it takes me 6 days for it to leave. So if I were to take another tomorrow it would be almost negative, and by Thursday completely so. Yet here I rushed on a Tuesday in April to dip a stick just to see two lines. Boy, am I the fool.

This morning at 4:30 yet again my bladder was full. I garnered some form of hope from this as I had gone to bed at 11, and am usually still able to sleep through the night. Even though I woke with what could be my 4 day prior to AF headache I tried to brush that off as a remnant from the argument I had with Jacob the night before. I even was stoic and turned down even Tylenol until it threatened to really ruin my day. Of course once I took those two little white pills not only did my aching head disappear, but so did my breasts and ovaries.

I gained some hope this afternoon as I stood behind my desk when my abdomen lurched. That familiar pain form my ovaries, but then I realized no its just cramps. My breasts have returned to their flaccid 33 year old beings. No amount of pressing, pulling or poking now makes them sing. Even my abdomen that was rock hard this morning from residual fluid is now returning to its original size.

Still rushing home this evening, I just had to use that stick. I just had to see it turn pink and oh how it granted my wish. Of course now I feel even more dejected. For then I stood on the scale and realized my weight now ends in a 3. In one cycle I have managed to gain all that I lost, plus 2 since Christmas. I have been in to much pain to go to the gym...and since I just knew I was pregnant no food was off limits.

I suppose the jokes on me...8 days post ovulation...PMS on its way...maybe we will have better luck in May...